Vote Now! Help Me Beat Up a Guy in a Hat!


Did you know that there are books that illustrate my many thrilling adventures? It’s true. You can read them, and you should read them. The most recent book, Night Powers was made by the Dark Horse Company, an equestrian goods fulfillment service and publisher of the world’s best comic books.

Dark Horse represents many interesting characters, and has lately taken to asking readers “Who would win in a fight?” Currently, the vote is up for me versus a fellow by the name of Saxton Hale, who best I can tell is a Guy in a Hat. The Guy in a Hat has put forth a desperate plea for votes, and it appears if I’m to retain any dignity at all in this manner, I have to beg as well.

So I ask you, doctor fans, please vote, and when doing so, consider this list.

Things I have faced down that are more threatening than a Guy in a Hat.

1) Dracula. I punched Dracula in the face. This impressed Dracula so much, he shoots lasers from the moon whenever I ask him to. (Theoretically.)

2) Dinosaurs. Dinosaurs mouths are essentially full of knives, unlike human mouths. I will find this Guy in a Hat to have a much less perilous mouth to punch than that of a dinosaur, which I remind you, I have punched many.

3) My mom. It’s not a joke. She’s a professional murderer. She’s upset that I don’t do professional murders.

4) An army of my own clones. Took about twenty minutes.

5) Anyone who knows that “man” is spelled with only one ‘n’. Whoops! That’s anybody!

Thank you for voting. Have a nice Thanksgiving.

- Dr. McNinja



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